I’m Beginning To Believe…

I can’t believe I haven’t written in so long. This relationship I’m in has me spinning in a million directions. I get up to put on a pot of coffee on to end up in a fight  over something that came way out of left field. The answer to all my problems; GO BACK HOME, where I came from-NC.

My Meds are screwed up and so am I. I’m wearing size 5 jeans, which I’ve never done before.  I cringe at the loudest sound and I seem to HIDE the bread from him. But I’m the one who died or was it William? Am I in HELL? Is this my punishment? People hate me, no respect, abusive, threatening, Drs don’t give a fuck.

I go tomorrow. Maybe inpatient again? I’m not afraid of him hurting me and welcome it actually. I don’t even care. He doesn’t either. I have few friends, none in CA. I DONT belong anywhere anymore. I’m beginning to believe I’ve done all I can this time around…