Today…

Today I went to one of several appointments. I went early believe it or not. My appointment was at 11 I got there at 9. I didn’t know what to expect I wanted to make sure I was in the right place. The girl who let me in the door was very nice. Very young and happy her whole life ahead of her. There to … Continue reading Today…

Advocate…

I don’t understand coming or going half the time, but I have a lot of advocates. I don’t know why I’m not able to communicate well with people anymore. I seem to have a little patience, as if I had any to start with. Being bipolar and manic at that, and not medicated I should say, I think I’ve done pretty well not to have … Continue reading Advocate…

Merry Christmas…

I used to love Christmas, but this year I don’t like it anymore. It’s just another day. I know it’s Jesus’s birthday and I’m happy that he died for our sins. But I don’t like this holiday. People are just fake. No one cares about anybody but themselves. It’s unbelievable to me the people treat each other so badly. I’ve been trying so hard to … Continue reading Merry Christmas…

In Three Days…

It will be three days until the morning of William’s suicide. Suicide has been a hard thing for me to grasp for the past two years. I’ve made so many stories up in my head I really don’t know what I believe anymore.  I’ve found a gentleman who makes me feel like a woman and friend. He’s very straight forward and harsh at moments, but … Continue reading In Three Days…

This Time…

I find myself alone again, maybe the first time since I moved to California. This month is very emotional for me. This is August. The 12th was Miss E’s bday, the 16th my daddy’s. Then the dreaded 26th. That day all over again. My new beau seems to understand at moments. I believe he just gives up. He’s a person of words. The hit to the … Continue reading This Time…

The Sixth Move…

Well, this will be the sixth move since William died in our house, in our bed, where I found him. Now I’m a nomad, searching for answers that I may or may not find. Yeah, Bob and I got into it, again. He’d been drinking. I tried to get out of the conversation, but it didn’t work to good. Then later around 9 I go … Continue reading The Sixth Move…

Gloomy Weather…

It’s been windy and cloudy, some sun. Not enough to put your suit on and layout on the beach, at least not this chick. I guess I’m just going to come straight out and tell you guys I’ve been on a date. It was ok. I didn’t die. Neither did they, lol. I’m ready to move again. I’m terrible. The next couple of months are … Continue reading Gloomy Weather…

Numbers, Faces, Sounds…

I now often think I truly am going crazy or at least that what I’ve heard people call me. I don’t care anymore. Today is one of my numbers, the 26th. Not my favorite number, it’s the day that William shot himself after he opened the text I had sent him. It said- I love you too BABA! Today I see faces in mind, reminding … Continue reading Numbers, Faces, Sounds…

I Can’t Believe This…

My brother finally made in around 8 pm Saturday night. I got to see him a couple of hours. He was actually here to see a lady from Vietnam he had been introduced to several years ago. She lives here in San Diego, but my brother in living in Vietnam, getting ready to move to Hong Kong. Talk about long distance relationship. So all day … Continue reading I Can’t Believe This…

We Knew…

Today has been very surreal. A friend I thought I made is actually not a friend, just someone to let me know I’m fucking up again. I was told not to trust anyone and I should have known better. These words were not given lightly, but firmly. Not to intimidate, but to help guide me. For me to trust my intuition. Not to numb myself … Continue reading We Knew…