Today I was talking to my roommate. I finally got to see my all my test results from when I was in the hospital. I found that one test showed I had a STD. Well, I find this funny since I have been with anyone since William. So, I read up on it and it could be the rapist. But they did NOT inform me of this results. Then it said I had an infection on another result. So which is it? So we’re talking and I said that they should have told me and he said they didn’t have to. He knew he worked in a hospital before. I called bullshit. That’s when he said, “IT WAS TO MY DEMISE THAT I WAS RAPED TO BEGIN WITH”. More or less I caused it and it was all my fault. I told him to go fuck his self.
I’m still praying by the dock in the mornings. It’s so peaceful. William came to see me yesterday. It was wonderful. All afternoon we spent, he realized for the first time what had happened to me. I told him I was fine and I would be ok. He made me feel strong again. I know you think I’m crazy and I am, but spirit is with us, it’s just whether you choose to see. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want my life back. I don’t know how right now, but I will get it back and better. I can’t let all this negative energy keep draining me.