Over these past 15 or so months I’ve been trying to work towards healing my mind, body and soul. It seems the harder I try, the more difficult it becomes. I’ve run into more obstacles than any one person should have to, but in saying that I think they have been more like mountains. I’m trying to figure out if I should run for the hills or stick it out. Because from where I’m sitting if it gets any worse I don’t know what I’m going to do. I thought I had been at an all time low, but I hadn’t until now.
I’m supposed to be thankful for living and I’m not. Maybe that’s why all this is happening. I wish I could be. It’s just when I think about it I wish I wasn’t here. Not that I’m going to do anything about it. I’m just very confused about things and I don’t know what to do or who to talk to that can help me. I don’t even know that I can trust someone.
I’ve been praying that something good comes from all of the bad that has surrounded me these almost 16 months. It started the morning William shot himself. Then it continues until there is no more of me.