I look back on the past year and it has been a nightmare. Losing William, now the rape, my family, even my daughter. I feel as if I have no one to turn to anymore. Everyone has their own life. I have to deal with mine. I’m on my own now. I can’t count on anyone but myself. I have to come to grips with that. This has not been easy for me.
I want so bad for my daughter to be compassionate, but she’s not. I have to understand that I can’t do a damn thing about it. She was when she was little. She used to take care of me when I was sick. She fixed me oodles and noodles and made me cards that said I love you Mammy, instead of Mommy. But now, once she has heard something, like about the rape, she doesn’t want to hear about it again. She did this when William died too. She told me this after months of not speaking to me.
I feel very alone right now. I’m sure I’ll figure a way to deal with all of this on my own. I’ve done it for years, why stop now. I’m sick of asking people for help that really don’t mean what they say to start with, they can’t be trusted. I just have to remember I had that once. Someone that I trusted, that could be trusted. That I loved and still love with all my heart. William is here in spirit and does more for me than anyone here that’s alive.