I’ve had to come to the realization that I only have one true friend now. She and I grew up together. I helped her pass geometry. She used to tell me she wanted to be a baby doctor because she couldn’t pronounce pediatrician. We “rolled” our first house together. She became a labor and delivery nurse. I was in her wedding. I woke her up when I started having contractions and she sent me to the hospital and she was there when I had E. I don’t know how fast I drove when she called me and her father had died.
I could go on and on about our times together. She has three beautiful children, of course grown, she started way before me. She’s someone I would aspire to be like. She’s kind and gentle. She’s always been there for me. Sometimes even when I don’t think I deserve it, she says I do. She travels a lot and I live almost 4 hours away, so it’s not like we see each other, but it doesn’t matter.
When we finally talked about what happened, she cried with me. She wanted to hug me. She was so mad and hurt about what was being said. She’s definitely not a violent person, that would be me, but I think she might have hurt someone that night. I just miss her terribly. I feel alone and used. I don’t trust anyone. I think they all have some type of motive.
I’ve emailed the head investigator and he hasn’t answered me back. I’ve called the Rape Crisis Center 3 times and no one has called me back. My roommates started in again last night about me not having drugs in my system. How does he know?? There was a Nurse who told him things in the ER?? I saw him talking to her, but he said she also told him that my old roommate got raped and left. So, WTF??
I’ve had to block my mom on FB, my life right now. She’s not supportive. I don’t even know if I should try to call my father for fear of what she’s said to him. She told me that in my pictures, when I was trying to look scary, I looked drunk and needed to go to rehab. Plus, if I hadn’t been in that situation maybe none of this would have happened. She said I’d put her through so much over the years, that she didn’t think I’d want her at the hospital that’s why she didn’t come and she didn’t know how to help me anymore.
So, I don’t know how to help her either, hence, see ya…