Well, it’s 3:47am and Halloween. I can’t sleep as usual. I woke up hurting, I still haven’t gone for my X-rays. It just keeps getting worse and I don’t slow down. Nothing helps either, except laying on the heating pad and I can’t do that all day.

I’m still cycling and it’s getting worse. I’m out of control. I mean OUT OF CONTROL. I told my new roommate that something he normally does was stupid. Yes that’s what I told him. How rude. That is just not me. It’s like I have no control. I’m so anxious and agitated. I’m on “kill mode” at all times. I’m having to change insurance again since I moved to another state so maybe another Dr can get my meds right.

I just want all of this to end. I’m tired, lonely, hate my life, hurt all the time, miss my husband and my daughter, feel deserted, abandoned, unappreciated, fat, mean, hostile, need I say more…I don’t know what to do. I’m looking for another Dr. Hopefully, they’ll be better than the one have.

Talked to my old roommate last night. Looks like I should have deposit back today. Cross your finger. Yes, just one. She wants me to come over and give out candy. We had some scary stuff ready for the kiddies. We’ll see. A friend is wanting to go out, but I promised roomie first, even though that was before I moved out.

Hope to take a nap today. Happy Halloween everyone!

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