Beckon Call Girl…

Helping my friend out driving makes me feel like a “beckon call girl”. It means come here/do what when I say, basically. But he needs help and that’s what friends do. I would hope he’d do the same for me, maybe he would, maybe he wouldn’t. I don’t know. To be a true friend you shouldn’t expect anything in return anyway and I don’t, but I wonder if I did need him would he be there…

I got an email from the guy in the UK. Can’t believe he’s still in contact with me. Not at all sure where this is going. I guess he’s just being nice. It’s not like he’ll ever ask me out on a date. I mean he lives over 3,000 miles away. The sad thing is I miss him. I really don’t why. I mean I don’t think about him every moment of the day, but I do miss him.

I’m still feeling sick. You all have been great. Let me just say, NO, I’M NOT PREGNANT! LOL. OK, now I’m really not sure it’s the meds either, somedays I’m sick somedays I’m not. I think it’s ME. But whatever, I’m just really tired and maybe that’s got something to do with it too. I just need some rest. I’m tired now, it’s 3:07 am and I’m up. Where is William? He would make sure I went back to sleep and didn’t stay up.I might as well make some coffee and get the trash ready for pick up.

Did my beckon call girl thing yesterday and came home and took a 4 hour nap. I’ve been so tired. But I’m up this morning, going to do it all over again. Feeling a little better. Thinking it’s going to be in the 80’s today and I’ll just hang out at the beach.

My roommate and her boyfriend broke up again. I feel bad for her, but it’s crazy too. It’s also NONE of my business. If she wants to talk I’ll listen though. All of it just makes me want William here. She says she needs ME time and HE wants her to with HIM all the time. William and I were always with each other. We found comfort, peace, and love in each other. We didn’t feel smothered.

I guess everyone is different. It’s just weird to me. I want all the things that she doesn’t back so bad. I’m not saying that it’s right for her. Opportunities are never the same. Things will never be the same again.

When things like this happen, it makes me miss William more. I miss you Baba. Our wedding anniversary is coming soon, I love you! Cica

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Categories Bipolar, Depression, PTSD, SuicideTags , , , ,

10 thoughts on “Beckon Call Girl…

  1. The UK guy probably misses u too, why else would he email? I think maybe you should go to the doctor about the sickness, not the CRAZY doctor but the regular one, it’s better to be safe then sorry.

    Ohh I know what you mean, seeing her being all “I need space” while she is almost parading her intimate relationship casually around you, (obviously not really thinking, that it might suck for you sometimes, as you are alone) while you would do anything in the world for NO SPACE AT ALL with William.. But yeah, everyone is different. When is your wedding anniversary? Got any plans? Anything to make you feel good or distracted? A spa day!?

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    1. You know I didn’t see it like that but you’re right. Our anniversary is October 27 and I have no idea what to do. My friend in UK said he missed me too I was a great girl. WTF.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hey, me and my husband started out that way..! 😉 I was in Europe and he was in the US… :p Emailing away… skyping.. Sex skyping… 😉

        Anyway… Hmmm… You HAVE to do something. Something cool, that will make you happy if even for just a moment! 🙂

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      2. So what does “great girl” mean?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I don’t know what the two of you “did” together, but it’s kind of British to say that kind of line, well, and in American too the word Great is a GREAT compliment! DUH! Jeez… Its obvious, it means that you were
        Gorgeous
        Rare
        Exciting
        Awesome
        Titilating

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      4. Ok. In America it’s kinda vague lol

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      5. Ok, hahah I guess it can be. Just take my words for it 😉

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      6. Also, you should respond saying that he is a great guy too… see what he says… :p

        Like

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