Med Check Day…

Good morning, it’s very early so I’m not going to go downstairs yet. I’d love some coffee though…

Did the coffee thing anyway and pulled up the last episode of Sons of Anarchy on my Mac, it was amazing. I love this show. You would know this is the final season. They do what people only think about doing for revenge. How many times have you not killed or at least hurt someone in your mind? I know I have.

It’s taken me forever to get ready for my appointment. I’ve changed 10 times I know. I told my roommate that and she said “I hope the Dr is worth it”. I’m like are you Kidding me! I told her I was trying to make myself feel better. You know, put your makeup on, fix your hair, decent clothes, helps me with my depression and shit. She really doesn’t understand at all.

Then, I found William’s baby spoon. I cleaned it and it’s beautiful. REMEMBER William’s daughter has never spoken to me, not even at the funeral, so I told my roommate I had thought about giving it to her, but with the way things were I didn’t know. She said it would be a nice gesture and I should take the high road. FUCK THE HIGH ROAD! For once can she not just be on my side. I have taken the HIGH ROAD since his death. I’ve just got to stop telling her ANYTHING personal. Because I wasn’t asking her opinion.

On the other hand, she let me borrow the car to come to the Drs. So, here I sit waiting. It looks like he’s running a hour behind UGH!!! I got in finally. Told him about my time in the slammer and what happened. He’s upping my Lamotrigine and checking my Lithium levels, plus increasing my Topiramate, hopefully this will help me. We’ll see I guess.

A friend of mine called. He got pulled by a State Trooper and got a DWI (driving while impaired). I have a job now. Driving him to work and back. He said he’d give me some cash, plus I’ll have the car. I’d hate to see him lose his license until court. That’s where he’s headed. He’s been driving on a suspended license. He took me out for wings to discuss everything. Sounds ok.

I’m home and ready for bed. Thinking about who I am, where I am, what I’m going to do, and WHY? I do pretty good when I’m not alone all the time. You know out with people, like being in a restaurant or mall. My salvation for today has been spending several hours on the phone with my daughter. I am so blessed to have her back in my life. She makes me laugh. I can’t wait to see her. I don’t know when that will be. We haven’t seen each other in almost 5 months. But for this moment, I’m happy with talking. Goodnight…