Smile…

I got my smile back, at least for a little while. I met a man who made me smile again. He made laugh again and now I’m being left again. This is not a torrid love affair. But in some aspects I feel that William played a role in our meeting each other. It was strictly a chance meeting. We were both there with other people who were meeting each other. They didn’t hit it off, but we did.

We danced and laughed that night. We were supposed to meet the next night and then it was the next night. Then he got sick and you get the picture. So he finally rings me yesterday. We’ve only been emailing. Oh, he’s from UK. It’s too expensive to use his cell. So, I meet up with him and it’s the same as the first night. We were laughing, smiling and dancing. I even have pictures so I know that he is a “real”person.

My problem is that tonight I may have a hour, if that, to say goodbye. They leave tomorrow at 6 am. This is someone that I will probably never see again. I’m sure we’ll email for a while. It’s sad because when I’m with him I don’t feel sad or lonely anymore. I feel alive again. I matter to someone again. I didn’t pull away when he went to hold my hand. It felt right. I guess this is a good thing. It really doesn’t feel so good right now.

I’ve even caught a couple of tears come down my cheek when I think about it. How ridiculous is that? I barely know this man. Of course, he barely knows me too. If he knew half of what you know, he’d run for the hills! I know I would.

It’s so funny, all night he just kept saying that he loved my smile and of course my accent. He even went as far to say he could look at me forever. I don’t know about that, but it was nice to hear those words again. Sounded just like William. God I miss him.

I should probably thank him and God for meeting this man. Thank you. Perfect timing I guess. Hopefully, I’ll be able to laugh, smile and dance again…

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Categories Bipolar, Depression, PTSD, SuicideTags , , , ,

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