Yesterday was a William day. I cried and cried, then I talked, then I cried some more. It started with trying to find a copy of where he’d pawned his Rolex. Not only did I find that I found our marriage certificate and the incident report from the morning of his suicide. This brought up so many feelings. I feel as though I’m going backwards instead of forwards. I’m having a real hard time coping and I don’t know what to do. I can’t go back to a mental institution. They don’t really help anyway. I don’t think my meds are right but my Dr won’t give me what I know works. I’m spiraling. I’m shaking all the time. I cry at just a thought. I’m so tired all the time. I barely sleep even with meds. I don’t even know why I’m talking to you. It’s supposed to be therapy. I want to run. Run far away. Never look back. But I can’t. The only reason I don’t is my daughter. If it wasn’t for her I would have followed right behind William. I wish someone could truly help me. But for now at least I’m talking…
Living Without Him
My husband committed suicide
Living Without Him 
16 responses to “Talking”
I’m so, so sorry for your loss . . .
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You’re very kind.
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these are heartbreaking. go to a different doctor, they are not al l created equally
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Do you mean therapist or psychiatrist or both? Thank you for listening.
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Both you said they won’t give you meds that work that makes no sense I would go somewhere else
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True. It’s crazy. I won’t take anything that puts weight on me. I’ll just be crazy! I gained 50 lbs when William died. My family Dr said my body was protecting its self. I wasn’t eating. I’ve lost 25. I just don’t feel right. Does that make sense? I’m sorry
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Yes it makes perfect sense. lots of these message people gain weight. It’s a major problem
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Are you in the medical field or one of us, if you don’t mind me asking?
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Both.
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Nice to meet you “both”
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Been patient in psychiatry ward 2 times, committed as mentally ill. Jail 3 times. Drug rehab 3 times. Then got thru school been a supervisor at same state facility I was committed to, supervised a jail, a drug rehab. I’ve had many years of field research as I call it
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Lots of research lol. I’ve been in psych ward 2-committed 2-treatment facilities was in jail recently for public disorderly, I beat up my girlfriend with an umbrella for talking about my husband. 9 hours in jail. Lowest point in my life. Got my first speeding ticket Monday. Oh I’ve been arrested 2x for tresspassing when I wasn’t tresspassing. Long story. I don’t know what normal is or of I ever have been. I moved here the end of June. New insurance. No car. My life sucks. God just talking about it makes crazy.
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You are chosen. But it probably doesn’t feel like that right now. But o the other side of this you’ll see
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I’ll check into finding another Dr. Thanks for talking to me.
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Yes I think of the million I know, they all have different ideas and philosophy and egos. If u have a chance read the article I wrote about psychiatrists and their prescribing its a true story..be careful who you trust
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Ok good to know. I’ll look it up. Thank you so much!!
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