Counting…

I haven’t written in a while. I’ve been depressed. It’ll be a year this month since William died and I’m not sure how I feel about it. I don’t even want to talk about it, but I know I need to talk to someone and y’all seem to be the only ones that listen. Everyone else just wants to forget.

I had a friend of mine tell me her roommate was tired of me coming over talking about William. And because he committed suicide he didn’t feel sorry for me or William. I won’t be going back to her house. And to start with I think I said something when we first met because he asked. Whatever, people are so two-faced. 

I have to appear in Superior Court due to all the BS surrounding William’s estate. That means renting a car and going back to a place I never wanted to go back to again in my life. It means facing his family again. Listening to all of their lies again just so this court system can hear them. I just want all of this nonsense to be over. I haven’t lied. I haven’t stolen. I haven’t forged any documents. I didn’t murder my husband. All of which they say I did. I understand some people have to blame someone for the death of a loved one, but this is immoral. 

All I want is to find some peace in my heart again. I don’t want to cry every time I start thinking about William. I want to smile and remember all the good times and how much he loved me. I don’t want to harbor resentment for the people who are causing all of this mayhem. I’ve come a long way since a 2013, but I have a long way to go.

I talked to my daddy on the phone the other day and all I wanted to do was crawl through the phone and get a great big bear hug from him. He and William gave the best hugs. I’ll just have to wait until I see him this month to get one.

So for now I just counting…

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Categories Bipolar, Depression, Suicide, UncategorizedTags , , ,

1 thought on “Counting…

  1. You can do this!!! It’s hard, I know. I have no way to understand the depths of the pain that you are in. But I have had a little experience with at least attempted suicide. Find people that understand and are supportive and cling to them. May God bless you and give you peace as you walk this road

    Like

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