I Can’t Believe…

I haven’t written anything for a while. I’ve had all these thoughts but no organization. This is an especially tough month for me. It will make one year since William committed suicide. I never thought I’d live to see this day and I’m not looking forward to it. I’m four hours away so I’ll just have my florist fix something and deliver it and have my best friend go by and give final approval. She’ll take pictures for me. That probably sounds sick, but it’s comforting to me. 

I did manage to have a wonderful evening Saturday night. My roommate and I went to this awesome Italian restaurant. She took an expensive bottle of Brunello she used to own a wine shop. We had fresh bread hot out of the oven, salads with homemade bleu cheese dressing, then I had lasagna, she had eggplant parmesan, the dessert was to die for. I can’t spell them, but they were good. I also had an espresso  martini. I’d never had one before, it was the bomb, lol. We went a couple other places, making our way closer to home. I ended up driving us in the end. It has been so long since I’ve had a nice dinner. We’ve decided to do this on a monthly basis. I think it’s a good plan.

I’ve started exercising. We have a gym in the community I live in. It feels good. Five days a week, I haven’t done anything consistently in almost a year. My health has been suffering. I don’t sleep, panic attacks, you name it, including my bipolar episodes. Thank God I finally go to the doctor tomorrow. This will be my first visit since being discharged. He’ll probably be like every other psychiatrist and I’ll be in and out in 2 minutes. I hate having to go. I wish they’d just put refills on the damn bottles, but no “medication management”.

I can’t believe…

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