Well, yesterday a longtime friend picked me up to spend the weekend at her apartment. She lives one block from the beach. She planned an evening with a couple of friends of hers. We went to dinner and I actually had a good time. I ate stuffed chicken marsala and had a good glass of cabernet to top it off. We later had a night cap at a little beach bar and then came home. A perfect evening I can thank her for.
Normally, my Friday nights would consist of a frozen dinner and watching reruns of Law In Order-Criminal Intent held up in my room. I’m so predictable now. I use to enjoy dinner, movies or even a book when William was alive. We might even go to one of our favorite restaurants or dance to old rock in roll songs on our nicely redone hardwood floors. Days and nights are no longer comfortable to me. I struggle to make the days turn into nights. Take my pills to sleep and start another day.
But today we’re going out for breakfast, then walk to the beach and soak up the rays. I find such peace in ocean waves. The sand between my toes. The hustle and bustle of all the people and their kids. I can’t think of a better way to spend a Saturday. Of course I’ll miss my best friend. This is something we both enjoyed. Sometimes he’d read to me while we laid out. God I loved that!
After a day in the sun we’re going to eat shrimp cocktail for dinner. I got extra hot horseradish at the store yesterday. My mouth waters just thinking about it. I love shrimp cocktail, any kind of seafood really. Of course a good filet cooked medium rare is not too shabby either. I have no idea what she has planned to do for tonight. To be honest I don’t care if we just walk on the beach. i feel a sense of belonging. Like my stress level came down about 100%.
It’s a beautiful day. I went out earlier and walked around. The breeze was a little cool, but it made me feel alive again. Like my life has a purpose. I have no idea what that may be and I don’t have to decide that right now. It’s a glimpse of hope though. One I didn’t think I’d ever see and I don’t know how long that window will last. But at least I see it now.
But for today, I’m going to enjoy my day at the beach. The sound of the ocean waves and the sand beneath my feet…