Crazy…

I had a reading from a psychic as a birthday present to myself. I deserved it. Of course I can rationalize anything. I’m bipolar. The first person to appear was my Granny, my father’s mother. She told me to  STOP trying to keep the peace and basically I was a people pleaser. Even as a young child. That threw me for a loop. I always thought she hated me.

So then William comes through, I had to know WHY. He said his body would have been unrecognizable if he’d stayed. I have a lot of ideas about what this means but you’d think I’m crazy or crazier than I am. He also told me to get rid of the people in my life who don’t have my best interest at heart. There’s a lo. Also, I need help with the lawyer over the estate. Someone on my side. I have a girlfriend that will be perfect for that, she’s a paralegal. 

In order for me to make progress with this whole ordeal, I have to let go of all of the negative people in my life. This includes my daughter. Of course that shouldn’t be hard since she doesn’t talk to me anyway. Not to say they’re bad people, just not people that are going to help me. I’ve got to be selfish, something I’m not use to doing. This is going to be another hurdle in my life. 

I was reminded today, from one of William’s nieces, that William and I were going to move to the beach and sell surfboards and suntan lotion and live in a hut. This made me smile. I’ve gotten to the beach, now all I have to do is get things in order. My psychic says 3-9 months and things would be turning around. It’s almost been a year already.

Yesterday I went to my therapist. She is a really intuitive lady. I would go once a week, but I can’t afford it now. She led me through a meditation. When I closed my eyes I saw a person in a white light. No face. Then they were gone. Maybe it was one of my spirit guides? I haven’t been able to see anything in such a long time. It made me feel whole again. Like I was really getting past the hurt. 

My roommate and I are on this diet. I’ve lost 16 pounds. But yesterday we started with our fruit, but it was prunes! I made a smoothie out of 8 oz of dried prunes. I thought I was going to die. Almost did. Threw up as soon as I got through drinking it all. I’ll never, ever, eat prunes again! Today is grapes all day. My roommate walked in with steaks and shrimp. So what do you think we’re eating? We can actually have that as long as we wait 2 hours after fruit to eat protein. Tomorrow dried apricots, salad and pasta. Not too bad for diet food. 

Spent most of the day running antivirus software on my mac. William’s email has been hacked. Got an email from our server site today. Just want to make sure everything is protected. I don’t want to lose this too. I’m sure you probably think I’m bonkers by now and that’s ok. Today I am good with CRAZY…

 

 

 

Advertisements
Categories Suicide

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close